do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
