So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
