haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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