Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
