Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
