Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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