Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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