It's Friday. Sex?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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