mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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