I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize