the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
