my phone needs a breathalizer
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
