A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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