I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
