I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
