I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
