Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
