just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
