Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
