True but thats because hes a fetus.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
