Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
