We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
