I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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