he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
