Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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