Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
