oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
