I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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