Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
