just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
