He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize