OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
