just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
