o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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