On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize