Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
