they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
