My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
