i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
