Dude my mom stole all your condoms
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
