Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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