i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
