you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
