I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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