I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
