Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
