Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
