I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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