oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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