is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
