i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This is the high leading the old right now
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
