So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
