Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
