Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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