K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Panties = found
Randomize
