we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Blood and glitter go together right?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
