Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
