I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We left an ass print on the piano.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
