you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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