I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
