just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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