i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
