i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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