Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
