just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
