Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
