Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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