How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
