At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
