i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
